why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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