you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
