i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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