I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
