woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
