can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
