Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
