The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
