you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
