i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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