porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize