Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
