I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
