he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
