Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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