Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
