Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
