How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if only i could text you this smell
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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