I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
