Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
