the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
