well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
