lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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