he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
