oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i've created a new STD.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
