you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
