apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
