Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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