smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
