I'm really into asian looking animals
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
