I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
