i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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