If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
