My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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