I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
