he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
