Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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