My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
