I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
