After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
