I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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