I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
