dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
