shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
