Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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