he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
