I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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