I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
