She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wish my penis had a tongue
love makes seman taste better
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
