please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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