From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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