i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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