what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's blow job season.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
