come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
