If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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