Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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