I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
