Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
